Is the Look of Love Really in Your Eyes? (2024)

You may have heard the 1960s Burt Bacharach/Hal David song, “The Look of Love.” Here are the lyrics, and they say a lot about body language:

The look of love is in your eyes
A look your smile can't disguise
The look of love
It's saying so much more than just words could ever say

What does research in nonverbal communication tell us about how love and attraction are conveyed by nonverbal cues, particularly cues of the eyes?

First, realize that we often turn to nonverbal cues for verification when our verbal cues – our words – may not be trusted (“I love you”). Those nonverbal cues " say so much more than words could ever say.” So, what are some reliable nonverbal cues coming from our eyes that suggest love and attraction?

1. Mutual gaze. This is the most reliable cue that a couple is in love – they gaze into each other’s eyes. The amount of mutual gaze can be used as a rough assessment of the strength of a couple’s love. So, yes, the look of love is in the eyes.

2. Eyes and smiling. Psychologist and nonverbal communication expert Paul Ekman has distinguished between true smiles (what he labeled “duch*enne” smiles) and fake ones. The telling cues of a true smile – which signifies actual happiness and positive feelings – are in the eyes. In a true smile, the eyes narrow and create lines, or “crow’s feet,” at the outer corners. In a fake smile, this doesn’t happen. So, if your partner is truly feeling positive emotions, the trained body language expert would see it in the eyes – “a look your smile can’t disguise.”

3. Pupil dilation. This is an extremely subtle cue, but there is evidence that when an individual is sexually interested in another, the pupils of their eyes dilate. Although most people might not even notice pupil dilation, the look of love is definitely in the eyes.

4. Eye flirting. Couples in love will often flirt with their eyes – a quick, sidelong glance, perhaps accompanied by a coy smile. Or staring deeply into another’s eyes for a long while with a blank expression, which is immediately dropped and followed by a smile or laugh. Such eye flirting is a sign of love, as opposed to “eye-rolling,” which is likely not.

In short, these songwriters were talented composers and lyricists and may have been masters of nonverbal communication.

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