Time flies when you're being awesome, eh? Alex Kingston made her incredible Doctor Who debut a decade ago in 2008's 'Silence in the Library' as archaeologist and 'friend' of the Doctor, River Song.
Steven Moffat's two-parter introduced us to this mysterious time-traveller who would go on to meet the Time Lord many more times (and indeed already had, from her point of view).
But their relationship is anything but straightforward. The two star-crossed lovers would meet out of time – as it were – so much so they would sync up their meetings with their diaries.
Confusing doesn't even begin to cover it, so here's your handy guide to River Song's timeline.
1. River is born – A Good Man Goes to War (2011)
The mid-season cliffhanger shockingly reveals that Amy Pond gave birth to a child at the hands of Madame Kovarian, who is destined to be a weapon against the Doctor.
That child of the TARDIS, conceived with sometimes alive/sometimes dead person Rory, is Melody Pond, aka River Song. In typical Who fashion, this ep features Song as a baby and as a full-grown lady adult.
This happened three real-life years after audiences first met River in 'Silence in the Library' (keep up at the back).
2. Wears a space suit and gets shot – The Impossible Astronaut (2011)
Having been kidnapped by the Silence and taken to Florida, USA in 1969 (and raised in the less-than-welcoming Graystark Hall orphanage), Melody has been phoning President Nixon telling him that she's "scared of the spaceman".
Matt Smith's Doctor, flanked with Amy, Rory and an adult River Song, tracks down the child who is now wearing a spacesuit (her identity unknown to them), and Amy shoots her.
Don't worry though, everyone makes it out alive.
3. Regenerates in New York – Day of the Moon (2011)
Six months later, Melody makes it to New York City, where, in front of an old tramp in an alleyway, she begins to regenerate.
Not into the River Song we're more familiar with, though…
4. Mels regenerates into River – Let's Kill Hitler (2011)
After this regeneration, the young Melody makes it over to the UK and becomes the "best mate" of Amy and Rory as youngsters.
Mels, played by Nina Toussaint-White, meets the Eleventh Doctor and forces Team TARDIS to go and kill rising Austrian vegetarian and landscape artist Adolf Hitler.
Sadly for Mels, she's shot and then regenerates once more. This time, into Alex Kingston.
5. River gets her doctorate – Closing Time (2011)
Kovarian and the Silence get their nasty mitts back on their weapon after River receives her first doctorate and becomes Dr Song.
She is drugged, forced into a spacesuit and taken to Utah, where she "kills" the Eleventh Doctor – this is also where the events of points 2 and 8 take place.
Confused yet?
6. Breaks time, marries the Doctor – The Wedding of River Song (2011)
The season six finale was suitably bonkers, with time itself broken. We won't go into just why or how this happened (or, indeed, how this was all fixed), but the long and short of it is: it was River's fault.
Wearing an eye patch, she defeats Kovarian and the Silence and sets time right again by marrying the Doctor. We then discover that she didn't actually kill the Doctor in Utah (during the events of 'The Impossible Astronaut') just a Teselecta version of him.
We didn't say this was going to be easy.
7. River reveals her parentage – A Good Man Goes to War (again)
Just as she is born as "Melody Pond" (see No.1), the older River, now a married woman, reveals who her mum and dad are: Amy and Rory.
A somewhat shocked Doctor goes off to find their daughter whilst we all took a summer break.
8. River sees the Doctor "killed" and fights the Silence – The Impossible Astronaut / Day of the Moon (again)
River receives an invite, whilst imprisoned, with date and map references. She escapes and meets up with Eleventh Doctor and the Ponds in Utah. Where an astronaut "kills" the Doctor. Or rather kills "the Doctor".
A few minutes later, the Doctor is back. Well, a younger version, at least. The gang travel to 1969 and "meet" the Silence, with River displaying some neat shooty-wooty skills.
She's returned to the Stormcage prison, where she shares a first kiss with the Eleventh Doctor (from his point of view).
9. The Pandorica Opens / The Big Bang (2010)
Matt Smith's first series comes to an end with a little help from River Song in saving the universe. (Well, they don't really save it so much as reboot it.)
Cheeky River leaves a message for her husband at the dawn of time, carved into a diamond cliff, becoming the first words in recorded history – "Hello Sweetie!"
She then meets up with the Doctor at Stonehenge to uncover the Pandorica.
River blasts a fez and a Dalek and turns up at her own parents' wedding before she is born. Classic River.
10. The Eleventh Doctor meets River – The Time of Angels / Flesh and Stone (2010)
River meets the Eleventh Doctor for the first time. This was also the first time we'd caught up with her since her 2008 debut.
It was also a memorable first return for the Weeping Angels and saw the crash of the Byzantium, as referred to in River's diary in her first outing, 'Silence in the Library' (see point 14).
Straight after this she pops back to Earth to visit...
11. Garden chat with Amy – The Wedding of River Song (2011)
... her parents!
River shares a quick glass of wine with Amy and Rory in their back garden. After River explains what actually happened in season seven (something to do with pretending and spacesuits), Amy discovers that not only is the Doctor not dead, but that she's also his mother-in-law.
12. Final adventure with parents – The Angels Take Manhattan (2012)
Back to New York for River as we see her battle the Weeping Angels with Amy, Rory and the Eleventh Doctor.
Sadly for River she sees her parents trapped in the past due to those nasty statues. She won't see them again.
13. Twelfth Doctor meets River – The Husbands of River Song (2015)
A Christmas outing as Peter Capaldi's take on the time-traveller meets River – but this time, rather hilariously, River doesn't recognise him. For the first time in their relationship, he has the upper hand.
After a fairly forgettable 55 minutes or so featuring Greg Davies as grouchy robot King Hydroflax, we're treated to an emotional denouement.
The two spend a final night together at the Singing Towers of Darillium, as she mentioned when the pair first met (see below). Thankfully, for both concerned, a night on this planet lasts 24 years. That's a lot of Time Lord lovin'.
14. River meets the Tenth Doctor and dies – Silence in the Library / Forest of the Dead (2008)
River meets the Doctor, then played by David Tennant, who has never met her before.
Shockingly for us and the Time Lord, we discover that she knows his name. Lucky gal. Professor Song sacrifices herself, but the Tenth Doctor "saves" her as a data ghost and she ends up in what we can only describe as an eternal digital spa.
15. River's ghost appears – The Name of the Doctor (2013)
Escaping the idyllic digital spa for a few hours, River "meets" the Paternoster Gang and Clara via conference call. After kidnapping all but River (as she's dead), the Great Intelligence and the Whispermen bring them to the Doctor's tomb on Trenzalore.
River finally says goodbye to the Doctor, and they share a smooch. Of sorts.
*sniff*
In other media
Now, if that lot wasn't enough to scramble your mind, then please do bear in mind that River has also had numerous adventures in DVD-only eps, books, comics, audio plays and even video games – and continues to do so…
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Cameron K McEwan
Cameron McEwan is a freelance writer specialising in movies and TV.
