1. San Francisco 49ers: Unsurprisingly, the team that has Joe Montana and Jerry Rice on it is pretty good. But it takes more than two great players to make a great team, and the 49ers great players all over, on both sides off the ball. While the running backs aren’t all that great by themselves, they’re both exceptional at catching passes, completing an offense that is equally proficient with deep bombs and shorter passes alike. The defense, while not on the same level as the offense, is still well above average. The strength on defense is in the secondary; Ronnie Lott should be your go-to player in almost every situation. If you’re having real trouble in coverage, consider switching to Dave Waymer, the other safety, as he boasts a higher Interceptions rating.
2. New York Giants: The Giants are the mirror image of the 49ers. They’re good (but not great) on offense and fantastic on defense. The linebackers steal the show here. Lawrence Taylor is a murder machine, but when he’s in Bad condition he slows down noticeably. Pepper Johnson is more than game to the task of hitting cleanup in those situations, and if both are lagging, use Gary Reasons in coverage and Carl Banks against the run. On offense, go slow and prioritize controlling the clock over quick scoring. Tap A fast enough and Ottis Anderson will knock down defenders aplenty. Phil Simms’ accuracy makes him the perfect game manager, but the receivers aren’t good enough to beat even single coverage, so make sure you only throw to someone who is all the way open.
3. Houston Oilers: That the Oilers are the actual best team in the AFC is somewhere between ‘open secret’ and ‘not any sort of secret, whatsoever’ among TSB veterans. This is entirely because of their nuclear-hot passing game. Warren Moon is arguably the best QB in the whole game, possessing an arm that’s both powerful and accurate. All four starting WRs are amazing, and would be starters most places that only start two. Throw bombs all day and watch the points pile up. You’re not going to be running much, but when you do, make sure you’re starting literally anyone else over incumbent starter Lorenzo White, who is fumble-prone. Defense is kind of an afterthought here; many recommend using OLB Ray Childress, but he’s too slow for my tastes. I prefer using whichever safety is in better condition. Neither is great, but both can prevent big plays and touchdowns.
4. Buffalo Bills: The Bills, by contrast, are much more balanced on offense. Thurman Thomas is the best RB in the game not named ‘Bo Jackson’, and QB Bills is nearly identical to Joe Montana. However, this offense has two key flaws. First, there’s no depth. If Thomas gets injured, you’re not going to be able to run effectively until he’s back. Second, none of the receivers are truly elite, meaning there’s no one to throw it to when everyone is covered. Still, I get the most out of these guys when I take out FB Jamie Mueller, replace him with WR Don Beebe, and change the playbook to all single back/shotgun stuff. The defense is Bruce Smith and a bunch of scrubs. Smith is the best D-Lineman in the game, hands down, but he’s the only guy here worth using. Your run defense will sh*t the bed from time to time no matter what, so get sacks whenever possible.
5. Philadelphia Eagles: What can I say about QB Eagles that has not already been said? QB Eagles is a legend. His rocket arm and insane running speed make just about every passing play a winning proposition, even when everyone is covered. The WRs aren’t anything special, but Keith Jackson is the best tight end in the game, so throw his way whenever possible. Also, note that your RBs stink, so your best chance of moving the ball on the ground is with QB Eagles (make sure you get out of bounds!). Fortunately, the offense need not carry the day with a defense like this. The front seven is amazing all around, but I recommend using either Reggie White or Jerome Brown (may they both Rest In Peace), depending on their condition and the situation. The secondary is better than their reputation, too, but no one player there is quite worth using.
Next time, I’ll explain why the team with Bo Jackson on it doesn’t even crack the Top 5. It makes total sense once you think about it.
Published by Rob Mackie
Hi! I'm Rob. My interests are all over the place, which is why I created Rob Writes About Whatever, a free-form conversation where nothing is off topic. Home to Rob's Complete Guide to Retro Bowl, Gross Football Lunch, CRPG Corner, and more!View all posts by Rob Mackie
