What do you really look like to other people? (2024)

BeautyBeauty Feature

12October 2023

How often have you thought, “I have no idea what I look like to other people”? Maybe it’s a question that lingers in the periphery of your conscious thoughts. Or perhaps it’s something that rattles inside your skull when you see an unflattering candid photo of yourself or try to take an unfiltered selfie. Almost everyone is used to seeing their face through phone and laptop cameras, filters or mirrors, all of which present a reversed image to the beholder – but that isn’t how the rest of the world sees you.

On TikTok, the proliferation of the viral inverted filter and a contraption called the True Mirror has caused millions of people to question what they really look like. Both the filter and True Mirror vertically flip someone’s image to reveal a perspective they rarely see: how they look to others. This revelation has caused something akin to an internet-wide tailspin. Many who have used the filter and mirror filmed their reactions. Some people cried, others were completely disgusted, and most people compiled a list of asymmetries in their faces from lopsided jaws, uneven eyebrows and mismatched eye size.

It’s a weird and complicated feeling. For the last ten to 15 years, we’ve seen selfies be traded like social currency used for creating connections, hierarchies and even careers. But such an emphasis on what we look like has its downsides. Multiple studies have shown that more people than ever before are experiencing body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) as a result of social media. Beauty standards, like fuller lips, hollowed-out cheekbones, fox eyes, button noses, sharp jawlines, hourglass figures and BBLs, have caused people to spend money and time pursuing these ever-changing ideals. And now, these inverted images have unleashed a new standard of beauty that, admittedly, is just as fantastical and impossible as emulating an Instagram beauty filter: facial symmetry.

“My mum has always told me how beautiful I am, so I grew up with confidence,” Mery, a 21-year-old TikTok user tells Dazed. “I tried that filter with the same confidence, but I didn’t expect that the results were going to be horrifying.” After trying out the filter, Mery googled its legitimacy hoping it would tell her that wasn’t how others saw her. “I found out that it is, so I started to hide the puffy side of my face when I spoke to people.” She admits to avoiding making eye contact with people now, worried what they’ll think of her. She doesn’t take video calls on Instagram, WhatsApp or Viber anymore. “I only make calls on Snapchat because it stays the same as the image I see.”

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Mery’s TikTok of her using a gua sha in a lofty attempt to restore facial symmetry has 4.9 million views. In the comments, people offered solutions: sleep on your back, try eye massages, fix your hair. Others lament that they feel the same way, plagued by these newfound insecurities and desperate to find a solution. “If you’re seeing yourself inverted, you’re going to notice the things that deviate much more than on any other person because you know your face pretty well, and you notice when things are in the wrong place,” wonders Dr Pamela Rutledge, an expert in the psychological and social impact of media and technology.

Dr Rutledge says that humans have always cared about how we look; after all, we’re social creatures. But this obsession with our facial structures is an impossible feat. Especially after years of seeing filtered images of yourself, which can cause dissonance, making your unfiltered, inverted self even more upsetting. “If I use filters, I have now just created an idealised version of myself that I will never be able to compete with. I will always be inferior to this image of myself that I’ve created, but because it’s supposed to be me, it’s much harder to cognitively correct and say, ‘I can’t compare myself to that.’”

Mery admits, “I once forgot what I looked like with no filters. It’s like a fantasy or a delusion created to make us experience the beauty that we don’t have or can’t afford to have since feeling prettier is a need that comes with our nature. These filters feed it perfectly.”

Sarah Khursigara, who shares her hot takes on the beauty industry on TikTok, has posted multiple videos comforting those who feel personally victimised by this filter. “There’s a lot of panic around this. I think that’s because people believe the feeling they get when they flip their face is the same feeling other people have when they see them.”

@em.ilyclare 🤭🫣 this is something people may not notice but i obsses and hate my face eveyday. #Inverted #asymmetricalface #imperfection #myinsecurity ♬ Forever - Labrinth

It’s true that when you watch other people’s inverted filter TikToks, they look virtually the same; it’s just your own videos that cause an emotional reaction. However, what’s truly worrying is seeing how this hysteria is being taken advantage of. Many plastic surgeons and aestheticians are marketing facial balancing procedures that bring symmetry to the face. TikToker, Nathan Alexander posted online, admitting that it was the inverted filter that drove him to get masseter Botox. “Basically the inverted filter f*cked me over, it f*cked me up and now I hate my face even more than I have ever hated my face,” he says in the video. “Also, my lips might be a little off too.”

Anastasia Goron is the founder of All You Can Face, a facial yoga program that has over 1.1 million followers on TikTok. Her videos teach people how to reduce a puffy face in the morning, treat wrinkles and restore symmetry. Over the phone, her conviction for self-love and acceptance is infectious, though she admits she’s worried about how her videos impact people. “I hope I don’t cause more problems,” she admits when I ask about her facial symmetry videos. Goron sees facial yoga as providing both aesthetic results and mindful time with oneself. “Face yoga actually helped me to like myself more. It made me more comfortable looking in the mirror and feeling empowered to get to know myself on a deeper level.”

Goron does recognise, however, the litany of other face yoga accounts may be tugging on peoples’ insecurities. Once you get into the facial symmetry side of TikTok, you’ll likely get bombarded with different face yoga creators stitching insecure TikTokers with a solution for their problem. Sometimes these end in selling ten-minute face massages, or weeklong courses. Goron admits that while facial yoga can help with gaining more “symmetry” to a certain degree,” it’s important to be careful where you spend your money.

“Some people even outgrew my following because they’re doing these shocking videos, which of course are clickbaity. They’re like, ‘You will look like Bella Hadid if you do this exercise.’ No, you will not,” she laughs. “Her face is surgically made. I’d rather underpromise and overdeliver than give people completely false hope.”

@sarahssuperspa Replying to @. Another explanation, hopefully more clear 😭😭 you are technically inverted but that “inverted” version to other looks like your non inverted version does to you! Nobody sees you as unsymmetrical as you see yourself when you use the inverted filter so please stop worrying ❤️ #invertedfilter #unsymetrical #plasticsurgery #unevenface ♬ original sound - Sarah’s Super Spa 💅🏼🧖🏼‍♀️

John Walter, the inventor of the True Mirror, thinks that his invention is the solution to breaking this vicious cycle. Similar to the inverted filter, the True Mirror flips a person’s image to reveal how they’re seen by others. This effect is achieved by placing two mirrors at right angles, although when you look straight ahead in the True Mirror, there is no distracting line in the middle of the image. It’s garnered quite the following on TikTok thanks to Walter’s videos, which show someone looking into the mirror for the first time. But unlike the inverted filter, it seems as though when people cry in these videos, they’re tears of happiness.

Walter posits that because a regular mirror reverses our image, we never get to see our real selves or make real eye contact – “right eye to right eye, left eye to left eye” – which subsequently feeds our brain “faulty information”. With the True Mirror, he says we can communicate with our eyes and brain properly. “Some people hate the True Mirror when they first use it,” he admits, referring to the TikToks of people using dupes from Amazon. “But when you get past being crooked in the mirror, which the inverted filter also does, you’ll notice the vibrancy in your eyes and for the first time, communicate with yourself.”

It’s a big promise, but one that Walter has staked his entire career on. He believes that the world would be a different place if more people could see themselves in the True Mirror every day. “I would love to get this into schools and even psychological research labs. One of my biggest desires is for kids to grow up with this so they don’t lose that light. People convey light and life in their expressions, but they lose that when they look in cameras and mirrors.”

It’s amazing to think that a $275 mirror could solve this cognitive dissonance everyone’s afflicted with, whether that’s from their own reflection or a symptom of decades of being online. But something tells me that might not be enough.

@truemirrorco_jwalter wow, I love her reaction, such light in her eyes! we all have that light when we show up to each other, she has lots of it! #junxionnyc #newyears2023 #truemirror #brighteyes ♬ original sound - truemirrorco

Aubrey Ober, 21, is an internet personality committed to deinfluencing the power of the inverted filter. She often posts TikToks of herself using the filter, imploring in her captions: “You are beautiful regardless of how symmetrical you are.” It’s taken a lot of work for her to get to a place where she can post these videos, reclaiming her own imperfections as a form of defiance. “Not using filters anymore has changed my life and self-confidence.” Today her TikTok has inspired others not to take the filter so seriously… and maybe even reconsider that plastic surgeon consultation they booked.

Turns out that searching for your true self in the way you look is likely a thankless task, one with no real ending, or joy. It’s a maze filled with deadends, financial pitfalls and obsession. Perhaps, at least for now, we aren’t equipped with seeing ourselves as others see us, without being compelled to fix it. But maybe we don’t need to.

“No single image – photo, mirror reflection or filter – can capture this ever-changing, multifaceted ‘self,’” Dr. Rutledge implores. “We are not who we look like. Relying on that in a visual culture is hard to avoid, but very dangerous if that's where we invest our self-worth.”

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