Is the Look of Love Really in Your Eyes? (2024)

You may have heard the 1960s Burt Bacharach/Hal David song, “The Look of Love.” Here are the lyrics, and they say a lot about body language:

The look of love is in your eyes
A look your smile can't disguise
The look of love
It's saying so much more than just words could ever say

What does research in nonverbal communication tell us about how love and attraction are conveyed by nonverbal cues, particularly cues of the eyes?

First, realize that we often turn to nonverbal cues for verification when our verbal cues – our words – may not be trusted (“I love you”). Those nonverbal cues " say so much more than words could ever say.” So, what are some reliable nonverbal cues coming from our eyes that suggest love and attraction?

1. Mutual gaze. This is the most reliable cue that a couple is in love – they gaze into each other’s eyes. The amount of mutual gaze can be used as a rough assessment of the strength of a couple’s love. So, yes, the look of love is in the eyes.

2. Eyes and smiling. Psychologist and nonverbal communication expert Paul Ekman has distinguished between true smiles (what he labeled “duch*enne” smiles) and fake ones. The telling cues of a true smile – which signifies actual happiness and positive feelings – are in the eyes. In a true smile, the eyes narrow and create lines, or “crow’s feet,” at the outer corners. In a fake smile, this doesn’t happen. So, if your partner is truly feeling positive emotions, the trained body language expert would see it in the eyes – “a look your smile can’t disguise.”

3. Pupil dilation. This is an extremely subtle cue, but there is evidence that when an individual is sexually interested in another, the pupils of their eyes dilate. Although most people might not even notice pupil dilation, the look of love is definitely in the eyes.

4. Eye flirting. Couples in love will often flirt with their eyes – a quick, sidelong glance, perhaps accompanied by a coy smile. Or staring deeply into another’s eyes for a long while with a blank expression, which is immediately dropped and followed by a smile or laugh. Such eye flirting is a sign of love, as opposed to “eye-rolling,” which is likely not.

In short, these songwriters were talented composers and lyricists and may have been masters of nonverbal communication.

References

Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (2001). The relationship cure: A five-step guide to strengthening your marriage, family, and friendships. Harmony.

Is the Look of Love Really in Your Eyes? (2024)

FAQs

Is the Look of Love Really in Your Eyes? ›

This is the most reliable cue that a couple is in love – they gaze into each other's eyes. The amount of mutual gaze can be used as a rough assessment of the strength of a couple's love. So, yes, the look of love is in the eyes.

Can you really see love in someone's eyes? ›

We've all heard the term “Love is in the Air,” but can love really be in the eyes? Actually, science has proven it so! Certain chemicals (or endorphins) that produce the emotion of love can be emitted through emotions expressed in the eyes.

Can you tell if someone loves you by their eyes? ›

You can often tell someone desires you with their eyes, and you can tell that they're feeling affectionate and fond of or interested in you, but I would say you can't tell true love through the eyes because love is so much deeper than only the eyes can show us,” says Dr.

How do eyes reveal love? ›

Looking into someone's eyes is so powerful it could even be the solution to a long and happy relationship. Prolonged eye contact is believed to release phenylethylamine, the chemical in our bodies responsible for feelings of attraction. It's also associated with the love chemical, oxytocin.

What is the look of love in your eyes? ›

The more dilated your pupils, the more attractive you seem

This is likely connected to the finding that our pupils dilate when focused on someone we find attractive.

Can you feel attraction through eyes? ›

If you hold prolonged eye contact while having a conversation with someone or even catch someone's eyes across the room, it can create a lot of chemistry, or you can feel a small connection with them. Therefore it makes sense that if you can maintain eye contact with someone, they are likely attracted to you.

Can you tell someone's feelings by their eyes? ›

Eyes soften in love, harden with anger, widen in fear, narrow in suspicion, roll in exasperation, glaze with boredom, and weep in sadness. Experimental research with microphotography examining pupil dilation, blinking, and tearing might indicate if someone is lying.

What do eyes look like when in love? ›

For starters, oxytocin and dopamine — the “love hormones” — have an effect on pupil size. Your brain gets a boost of these chemicals when you're sexually or romantically attracted to someone. This surge in hormones appears to make your pupils dilate. Dilation may also be related to the biological need to reproduce.

Do your eyes sparkle when you're in love? ›

Sparkle in the Eyes: When we're in love, our eyes may seem to sparkle with excitement. This sparkle could be a result of increased blood flow to the eyes and a heightened emotional state.

Can a man show love in his eyes? ›

Key points. Love and attraction are often expressed through body language, and the eyes are a good way of showing love. The secret to a true smile and a feigned one is in the eyes. Mutual gaze and pupil dilation are two ways that lovers can display sexual interest.

How does a man look when he is in love? ›

You may notice that he's staring your way a lot and holding eye contact with you. You may also notice that he blushes easily around you or appears nervous. You may also hear that he's been talking about you to the important people in his life like family or close friends.

What is the love eye trick? ›

First, look in the person's left eye for 1 second, then switch your gaze to their lips for 1.5 to 2 seconds. Finally, look in their right eye, completing a triangle. She said: "I can guarantee that if done with the right person at the right time they will literally be [stunned]. I've done this with people I've liked.

Is True love in the eyes? ›

This is the most reliable cue that a couple is in love – they gaze into each other's eyes. The amount of mutual gaze can be used as a rough assessment of the strength of a couple's love. So, yes, the look of love is in the eyes.

Can you see feelings in eyes? ›

People are able to perceive emotions in the eyes of others and can therefore see emotions when individuals wear face masks. Research has been hampered by the lack of a good test to measure basic emotions in the eyes.

Why do lovers stare into each others eyes? ›

Staring into someone's eyes can release the chemical oxytocin which leads to feelings of attachment and attraction. It can also release dopamine, or the cuddle hormone, which leaves you feeling good. It's not hard to see why staring into each other's eyes increases your feeling of closeness.

How to tell if someone really loves you? ›

You can usually recognize real love by these 12 signs.
  • You feel safe with them. ...
  • They listen. ...
  • They acknowledge your differences instead of trying to change you. ...
  • You can communicate easily. ...
  • They encourage you to do your own thing. ...
  • You trust each other. ...
  • They make an effort. ...
  • You know you can collaborate or compromise.
Oct 28, 2020

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